Remembering…and Gratitude

Image copyright Ellen Gable Hrkach

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I’m happy there is a specific day to remember pre-born and newborn children who died (although, for me, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of our seven babies in heaven).

Here are a few of the posts and reflections on pregnancy loss that I’ve written over the years:

In the Arms of Jesus

At the Hour of Our Death, Amen

Ecce Ancilla Domini, an article on openness to life.

Seven Little Souls in Heaven, an updated version of my first published article in 1995, “Five Little Souls In Heaven.”

Probably the most viewed article on my blog is entitled “Difficult Anniversaries, Responsible Parenthood,” which speaks of the difficult decision we had to make after I nearly died from complications of an ectopic pregnancy. The doctors were urging us to get sterilized and we refused; instead we used Natural Family Planning to avoid pregnancy for a few years. As time went on, however, we felt God calling us to be open again. After speaking with a pro-life physician, as well as a faithful priest, we made the decision to be open to more babies. The photos below are of our two youngest sons: the two children we were told not to have (top) in 1999 and, most recently, (below) in 2012. I thank God every day for them.

image copyright Ellen Gable Hrkach

Image copyright Ellen Gable Hrkach

Hope and Trust

The following is a re-edited version of a Catholic Mom column I wrote last year:

“Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.” This quote by George Iles could well have been the catalyst for my first novel, Emily’s Hope, which is based on my own spiritual trials in the journey towards motherhood.

Our first pregnancy 26 years ago resulted in the conception of twins. A first-time mother, I never expected anything but a child (or two) in my arms. Sadly, we lost those babies early on. Two healthy pregnancies, resulting in the births of our oldest two sons, were soon followed by two very difficult miscarriages. After that, I was hesitant to become pregnant again because I wanted to avoid the emotional and physical roller coaster of another loss. I became filled with despair, then fear, both of which can rob a soul of hope and trust.

This reaction is not unusual. Several years ago, an acquaintance of mine tragically lost her first baby at birth. Within days, she asked her doctor to perform a tubal ligation because she “didn’t want to go through that again.” I didn’t agree with her decision to become sterilized, but I understood her reaction, which was devoid of hope and designed to shield her from future heartache. I have experienced those same feelings, although I did not resort to such extreme measures.

Despite our previous pregnancy losses, my husband and I felt that God was calling us to be open to more children. It was only through prayer that I was able to muster up any hope. Eventually, hope became dependent upon trust that God knew what He was doing.

We were later blessed with three healthy pregnancies and we joyfully welcomed our three youngest sons to our family. (Photo is of our oldest and youngest 12 years ago).

We have, however, also had to endure three more pregnancy losses. During one particularly heartbreaking miscarriage, I cried out to my spiritual director and shared with him that I was torn between saying, “God, Your will be done,” and “Please, God, don’t make me go through this again.” My spiritual director’s hope-filled response was, “Perhaps God is asking you to sacrifice the joy of holding this child in your arms so that He may quickly hold your child for all eternity in heaven.” His comment helped me to realize how important it is to accept God’s will, whether it’s a healthy full-term infant or a cherished unborn baby He gives us for a short time. It means trusting that whatever God plans, He does so out of love for us and for the good of our souls.

Today, I am the proud mother of five sons ages 12 to 24. I am also the mother of seven precious souls in heaven, children I did not get to hold in my arms, but continue to hold in my heart.

Photo and Text Copyright 2011

21st Century Friendships

Back in the late 1970’s, I had an unusual hobby, one which led to me being introduced to the man I would eventually marry (and that story served as the basis for my first novel, Emily’s Hope). The hobby? Writing to pen-pals from all over the world.

So it’s not surprising that one of the things I appreciate most about the 21st century is how simple it is to make new friendships with those far away. Communication by Skype, email, chatting, texting and free long distance makes it easier than ever to communicate with those geographically distant. I have had the pleasure of making many new and lasting friendships through different online writers’ groups, Catholic websites and other virtual venues.

This happened recently when I “met” fellow writer, Elizabeth Schmeidler, through an online Catholic writers’ group and we began emailing back and forth. It became evident that we had much in common, so it wasn’t long before we were chatting on the phone. She soon ordered both of my books on Kindle.

After she read my first book, Emily’s Hope (which deals with pregnancy loss), she sent me a beautifully moving poem/song she wrote after her own miscarriage entitled “Whispers of My Heart.”

Tomorrow, with her permission, I will be sharing this poem with my readers, along with a chance to win Elizabeth’s CD entitled “Hope.”

Text and photo copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Now And At the Hour Of Our Death

My last post at Sarah Reinhard’s Blog has to do with the grace and peace that comes with Mary’s intercession, especially when one is facing death.

“If you say the Rosary faithfully unto death, I do assure you that, in spite of the gravity of your sins, ‘you will receive a never-fading crown of glory’ (1 St. Peter 5:4).”Saint Louis de Montfort

I am blessed to be the mother of five sons ages 11-23. However, my journey to motherhood has not been an easy one. I have lost seven babies through miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy. When my third son was 10 months old, I became pregnant. We were overjoyed until it became apparent that the baby was in my fallopian tube once again. I nearly died from complications of this ectopic pregnancy. Below is another excerpt from my novel, Emily’s Hope (www.emilyshope.com), and is based on the true story of my near-death experience, written in the third person. Fortunately, I survived and later gave birth to two more sons.

Again, the following illustrates the powerful intercession of Our Lady, especially when death is whispering in one’s ear:

The pain in her abdomen became more excruciating with every passing moment. She sat on the sofa and dialed the number of the high school. It seemed like an eternity for the line to connect. One, two rings. Please, someone pick up, she silently begged. Hearing the secretary’s voice, Emily could barely speak, but she uttered enough to make it clear that she needed her husband. She dropped the phone and tried to take a deep breath. Feeling an overwhelming need to vomit, she rushed to the bathroom just in time to spill the contents of her stomach. She gripped the cold, hard toilet, as if in some way, it would make her pain bearable. Disoriented, she thought of her baby and quickly glanced at his smiling, inquisitive face, oblivious to his mother’s pain.

To read the rest of the post:

http://snoringscholar.com/2010/10/now-and-at-the-hour-of-our-death-by-ellen-gable-hrkach/

Copyright 2010 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Hope, Faith and Trust

My latest column is up at Catholic Mom:

“Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.” This quote by George Iles could well have been the catalyst for my first novel, Emily’s Hope, which is based, in part, on my own spiritual trials in the journey towards motherhood.

Our first pregnancy 24 years ago resulted in the conception of twins. A first-time mother, I never expected anything but a child (or two) in my arms. Sadly, we lost those babies early on. Two healthy pregnancies, resulting in the births of our oldest two sons, were soon followed by two very difficult miscarriages. After that, I was hesitant to become pregnant again because I wanted to avoid the emotional and physical roller coaster of another loss. I became filled with despair, then fear, both of which can rob a soul of hope and trust.

Click on the link to read the rest of the article:

http://new.catholicmom.com/2010/08/06/hope-faith-and-trust-by-ellen-gable-hrkach/

copyright 2010 Ellen Gable Hrkach